Do you feel sad every time your period arrives?
Do you dread friends and family pregnancy announcements?
Have you built walls around you but on the inside, you feel lonely and vulnerable?
Hearing those gut-wrenching words, you’re not pregnant over and over again is one of the most crippling and debilitating experiences a human can go through.
The saddest part of it is that most people don’t understand what you are going through and even those closest to you don’t know how to act around you.
Have you done all the research and doing everything you can to become pregnant, but instead of getting pregnant you end up questioning your entire existence thinking thoughts like:
Don’t I deserve a baby?
I’m a good person, why is this happening to me?
Maybe I’m not supposed to be a mother?
What am I doing wrong?
I can’t believe it’s me – family is the only thing I’ve ever wanted!
There must be something wrong with me!
How come it was so easy for others?
I feel so ready but all I’m doing is waiting and waiting!
The universe must hate me!
I can’t imagine myself not being a mother!
Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something!
I dread seeing people with children!
Have I done something wrong in the past to deserve this?
I get it! I’ve been there.
This is a place that some people that I had coached spent more than a decade.
You don’t have to do this anymore. You don’t have to feel this way. I’m going to tell you how to get out of this place of darkness and despair.
Just read till the end before you dismiss the concept. I know how skeptical I was and this would have sounded way too simple for me to get any benefit out of. But I would have been wrong, because it changed my life and I ended up having three children and continuing to help others to get pregnant, applying the same principle that you can apply right now after reading this.
It is exactly those agonizing thoughts that you are thinking that influence your fertility the most. Why? Because those innermost painful thoughts affect your emotions and your emotions influence your body and your ability to get pregnant.
I have people asking me – “Why am I not getting pregnant even when my hormone levels are right and I’m ovulating regularly”?
Or, “I’ve never had any problems so I don’t understand why my periods had stopped”.
Many of you have been diagnosed with various conditions but also unexplained or secondary infertility.
Whether your infertility has been diagnosed or not, this concept applies to all of you, because those thoughts and emotions that you are experiencing are similar. Sometimes we feel even worse when our infertility is unexplained because we often feel as we have nothing to work with. It just makes you wonder what secondary infertility actually is? What does it even mean?
It means that what influences your body is your inner state. Those darkest thoughts you have about not being good enough to be a mother, those painful thoughts about your body not being normal, those emotions of worry, fear and anxiety – those create your emotional state which is agonizing to live with and influences your body.
If you’re constantly thinking that life is unfair and feeling deep sadness and sorrow, you are changing your biochemistry. You are influencing your bodily functions. Because these thoughts that you are thinking are pregnancy-related, they affect your reproductive organs and your hormones. Therefore, they hinder your conception. It’s been scientifically proven that thoughts have energy and power. They turn into negative emotions which affect our bodies. We are not surprised that we feel tightness in our chest or in our stomach when we experience the emotions of fear or anxiety – but it’s hard for us to believe that other emotions can affect other parts of our bodies.
Why do you think couples that give up trying so often conceive within a few months? It’s no accident, they let go of thoughts and attachments relative to conception. And I’ve met these people.
As Louise Hay said, “Part of good health is also having precision in thought and action”! She also says that it is our own mental patterns that are creating our life experiences and the same patterns also create ease or disease in the body.
Deepak Chopra extensively talks about this in many of his books. Why do you think wise people have always said – you become what you think about?
Why do you think there are so many books out there about healing your body using affirmations or visualization? It’s because your healing starts with your thoughts. It may not be the only thing you need to change in order to become pregnant, but it is a huge part of what we are doing wrong while trying to conceive. I was obsessed! I was so desperate to get pregnant that I’d lived in my own world of tension and anxiety for years.
If you want to change these patterns there’s no place for self-blame here either because that would be just another trap, and you’ll become even more resentful. Instead, try asking yourself – Can I shift these thoughts into thoughts that would become more useful and help me feel better?
I was obsessed with trying to do everything right too. Almost all couples that I had coached were focusing so hard on getting pregnant that they ended up losing themselves in the process of it.
Common things that we say are: The only thing that would make me happy is having a child. Without realizing it – all of the outer things that we do to conceive are in an unconscious way, distractions from our thoughts and emotions that actually play a bigger and much more important role in this process.
If for example you do yoga and for that brief moment you are able to connect to your body and relax your mind, but you are disconnecting from your body for the rest of the day and mostly living in your head that’s consumed by thoughts about getting pregnant – you are just cheating yourself.
Another example – If you use meditations or alternative treatments or going through assisted conception but on a daily basis you drag yourself out of bed with a sense of dread, – again, you are not addressing the things that matter and affect your body and therefore your fertility.
The most important thing you have to address is your inner state, whether going through treatments or assisted conception. Your thoughts, your emotions and your beliefs. And you have to stop waiting to get pregnant because that action also comes from a state of lack.
Today we are addressing your thoughts, but I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m suggesting that you just use positive thinking and pretend that everything is ok! Your pain and your thoughts are valid and completely understandable!
It is really hard to think your way out of a bad feeling because you’re going through so much pain. Therefore, often you have to address things at the emotional level. Also, you can’t suppress and ignore how you feel. You can’t just use positive thinking and put a plaster over your pain. That’s not what I’m trying to get you to do.
What’s important, however, is to recognize how much of what you are thinking comes from fear, anxiety and worry that’s been created as a result of your failure to get pregnant. You’ve been through pain, grief, of course you are worried about the future. But you have to recognize that in order to feel better and create a more fertile body you have to turn it around. Instead of waiting to get pregnant to feel better, you have to feel better so that you have a bigger chance to get pregnant.
It’s very simple, but not always easy to do.
So, without any self-judgment and blame, you have to begin with noticing thoughts like:
I’m afraid to get pregnant, I’m never going to get pregnant, I’m too old, I can’t imagine not being able to have children. Why me? What’s wrong with me? I hate people with children!
Yes, these thoughts are there for a reason, but they don’t have to be there forever. Your brain produces these thoughts as a result of pain and resisting these thoughts will only make them come back again and again. The key to this is recognizing those thoughts and with self-compassion finding thoughts that are slightly better. The important part is to tell your brain that you are in charge.
It’s almost impossible for your body to function properly thinking these thoughts. Then feel ashamed of yourself for thinking them. The way you are thinking about yourself and your inability to conceive, not only impacts your general well-being but your fertility. You have to start monitoring the thoughts that you have about conception. You have to bring them to the surface and acknowledge them. Then you need to do whatever you can to replace these thoughts with other more positive thoughts. Even if they feel untrue to you at the beginning.
Doing this will increase your chances of getting pregnant because your body responds to your thoughts.
Write all of your thoughts down every day and notice how many of those thoughts are repetitive. Notice how much time of your day you spend thinking thoughts like, this is never going to happen, how did she do it? Why is it not happening? I feel so worried! Why does it have to be so hard! I’m desperate to have a baby! When am I ovulating? When should I have sex? And how much time do you spend discussing it with others?
Now, look at what you had written. Cross it out and next to it write something that is useful to your fertility. Thoughts such as I can clear my mind and trust the process, I have plenty of time, I like children, I’m going to be a good mother. I let go of the past. I’m hopeful. I trust that I’m going to succeed without controlling how it’s going to happen. Then affirm these to yourself every single day. Read them out loud over and over again as soon as negative thoughts enter your mind. This should be your priority every single day until you naturally think more positively. As a result, you’ll feel better and your body will reflect the change in your thinking through perhaps ovulating, getting more regular periods, or healing your condition. Your thoughts help you heal your body. In other words – for your body to be fertile you have to have a fertile mind. I understand this could be one of the most difficult things you ever had to do, but it works. It worked for me and it worked for so many others that I had coached.
I’ve got something to help you with this. It’s FREE. It’s an audio that uses special hypnotic language and a technique that will help you practice removing negative thoughts. It will not only help you relax your mind but also your body which is a double benefit. But to get real benefits from it you have to listen to it every day for at least a month or until you naturally start thinking more positively. You have to work hard at this and realize that it isn’t going to happen overnight. Use it together with your own positive affirmations because you don’t deserve to suffer. Not even for one more day. I honestly can’t wait to hear about your life-changing shifts only from using this technique. The audio is only 15 mins long, so there’s no excuse for you not to do it.
You can watch my video titled How to change negative thinking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pi0hH8Bphk – to help you understand how you are in charge of your thoughts.