Do you feel guilty for not giving enough attention to your children?
Running between newborn twins and a two year old toddler, I started to wonder how on earth can someone bring up twelve children.
Propping up my little ones’ bottles and running to the toilet with my two year old, I wonder how guilty I should feel about not giving my children enough attention and quality time.
Letting my newborn twins settle themselves to sleep, I quickly put on my trainers and run outside with my toddler, so that I can spend some time with him before I have to bath the babies. I wonder what’s fair. Leaving your toddler at the table and run after the babies when they cry, or letting the babies cry?
Mum’s feel guilty all the time and it doesn’t change with their the children’s age. We can’t please all of our children at all times and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about not being able to keep everyone happy.
In my book “Learn from your Baby and Trust Yourself”, I wrote about a ‘No guilt and no regrets approach’. Well, here are few more reasons why we should stop feeling guilty.
Forty odd years ago, children were told to listen and not to talk. Many weren’t given any choices, weren’t allowed to express their opinions, let alone their feelings. Somehow, adults thought that children could not understand their conversations and emotional connection with children was almost unheard of. Unfortunately, needs of many children were often ignored, as people had no time or resources to help them. In fact spanking and physical punishment was highly advisable by psychologists.
Having to wash reusable nappies in the middle of the night or not being able to order their weekly grocery shopping online, some mothers were left with literally no time for their children, or themselves.
Without any blame, let’s use this knowledge to recognize that most of us are in a better position and that we are educated and supported. Let’s recognize what a great job we’re doing and support ourselves through self-compassionate talk, self-care through setting boundaries, asking for help, lowering our standards with unimportant things, saying no more often, focusing on what matters most.